Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Work (And the Addition & Subtraction Habit Pattern-Based Approach That Does)

Most New Year’s resolutions fail for the same reason most self-improvement plans fail:

They aim at outcomes while ignoring patterns.

A habit is what you do.
A pattern is how you do life.

Habits live on the surface.
Patterns run underneath—quietly deciding what sticks and what fades.

You can change a habit without touching the pattern, but it won’t last.
The pattern will eventually pull you back.

The Missing Truth: You’re Already Living at Capacity

One of the most uncomfortable—and liberating—truths is this:

Your current life already reflects your maximum sustainable patterns.

Your schedule, energy, attention, and emotional bandwidth are not underutilized.
They’re already allocated.

Which means this matters:

If you want to add something meaningful, something else must be released.

When people believe time and energy will “just show up,” they’re not being optimistic.
They’re engaging in magical thinking—and that’s one of the most common forms of subconscious self-sabotage.

It sounds hopeful.
It feels spiritual.
But it quietly guarantees failure.

Patterns + Habits: How Change Actually Works

Think of it this way:

• Patterns decide where your time and energy naturally flow

• Habits are the behaviors that express those patterns

If you only add habits without addressing patterns, you overload the system.

Example 1: Career Change (Growing Your Business)

Outcome: I want to grow my business

Pattern to Interrupt: Reactivity
Always responding, always “busy,” rarely intentional.

Subtraction (Concrete):

• Turn off email notifications except for two scheduled windows

• Decline meetings that don’t have a clear agenda or ROI

• Stop starting the day in your inbox

Addition (Concrete):

• Block 90 minutes, three times a week, for focused work

• Use that time only for outreach or creation—not admin

• Put those blocks on your calendar like immovable appointments

This isn’t about doing more.
It’s about breaking the pattern of urgency and replacing it with intentional focus.

Example 2: Relationships (Being More Present)

Outcome: I want to be more present

Pattern to Interrupt: Partial attention
Being physically present but mentally elsewhere.

Subtraction (Concrete):

• Phone stays off the table during meals

• Notifications silenced during conversations

• No multitasking when someone is talking to you

Addition (Concrete):

• A daily five-minute intentional check-in

• One protected block of connection time each week

• Eye contact before problem-solving

Presence isn’t created by effort.
It’s created by removing distractions that fracture attention.

Example 3: Spiritual Life (Experiencing Deeper Peace)

Outcome: I want deeper peace

Pattern to Interrupt: Overconsumption
Constant input, constant noise, no space to integrate.

Subtraction (Concrete):

• No phone for the first 20 minutes of the morning

• Reduce news or social media consumption by half

• One evening a week with no screens

Addition (Concrete):

• Stillness before stimulation

• Reflection instead of reaction

• Slower mornings that set the tone for the day

Peace doesn’t come from adding more practices.
It comes from creating space.

The Non-Negotiable Reality Check

If you are honest—and honesty is the doorway here—every real change requires:

• Time

• Energy

• Attention

Those resources do not appear magically.

If something new is being added, something familiar must be released.
If that feels uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong—it means you’re touching a real pattern.

Avoiding this truth is not kindness to yourself.
It’s a subtle form of self-sabotage.

A Simple Action Step (Before You Scroll Away)

Take five minutes today and write this down—no fixing yet, just noticing:

• One outcome you want this year

• One pattern that keeps pulling you away from it

• One thing that would need to be reduced or removed to make space

If you find yourself stuck, defensive, or unsure—that’s not failure.
That’s exactly where guidance helps most.

Action Step Internal: Activation: Creating Space for Change (Audio, click below)

Get comfortable.

[pause]

Let your breath slow in its own way.

[long pause]

Bring to mind one change you want this year.

[pause]

Notice the pattern that’s been running underneath it.

[pause]

Say to yourself:
I can see my patterns without judging myself.

[long pause]

I can see my patterns without judging myself.

[extra-long pause]

Now notice where your time and energy are already going.

[pause]

Let the honesty land.

[pause]

Say to yourself:
Something familiar may need to be released.

[long pause]

Something familiar may need to be released.

[extra-long pause]

Now imagine one small opening being created.

[pause]

Not effort.
Space.

[pause]

Say to yourself:
I don’t need more willpower. I need alignment.

[long pause]

I don’t need more willpower. I need alignment.

[extra-long pause]

Take one slow breath.

[pause]

And allow this to settle.

[extra-long pause]

As always, this activation is most powerful when recorded in your own voice.
Out of the billions of voices on the planet, your subconscious listens to yours first.
That’s simply how we’re built.
However, here's an audio version ready for your use:

(Let me know if you prefer the whole blog in the audio (like this one) or just the Activation (like in the last one.)