Why “Fake It Till You Make It” Keeps You Stuck (And What Builds Real Confidence) Myth #3 of 6

“Fake It Till You Make It” — And the Confidence That Actually Works

In the first two posts of this series, we looked at tools many people use in good faith—vision boards and affirmations—and why they often fail to create lasting change when they aren’t grounded in values and identity.

Now we come to one of the most widely accepted ideas in personal growth and professional culture:

Fake it till you make it.

It’s often framed as confidence-building advice.
In reality, it usually teaches something else entirely.

Why “Fake It Till You Make It” Is So Tempting

There’s a reason this idea sticks.

Most people don’t want to feel unsure, exposed, or inexperienced—especially in professional or leadership settings. Faking confidence feels like a shortcut. If you act confident, maybe confidence will follow.

Sometimes it even seems to work… temporarily.

But the cost shows up later.

What Faking Actually Trains

When you fake confidence, you aren’t practicing confidence.
You’re practicing performance.

And whatever you practice, you get better at.

Faking teaches the nervous system:

• Hide uncertainty

• Suppress embarrassment

• Stay alert for exposure

That doesn’t create confidence.
It creates tension.

A Very Real Example

Early in my career, I was invited to present a counseling program to a group of 30–40 staff members at another organization.

I was running a little late, rushed into the bathroom, straightened myself up, and then hurried into the meeting room—where everyone was already seated in a semicircle, waiting for me.

I launched right into the presentation.

What I didn’t realize—until I was done—was that my fly was still open… and the tail of my white dress shirt was visibly sticking out.

I was mortified.

I grabbed my notes, held them in front of me, finished as professionally as I could, and never acknowledged what had happened.

That was “fake it till you make it” in action.

Looking back, I know exactly what I would do now.

I would stop, laugh, say something like, “Well, that’s not how I planned to start,” zip up, and let the room relax with me.

Because real confidence doesn’t come from pretending nothing’s wrong.

It comes from being real enough to stay connected when something is.

What Actually Builds Confidence

Confidence isn’t the absence of mistakes.
It’s the absence of self-abandonment when mistakes happen.

What works instead of faking:

• Allowing yourself to be where you actually are

• Letting beginner stages be normal, not shameful

• Using humor and humility to restore connection

When people sense authenticity, they relax.
When you relax, confidence follows.

The Deeper Issue: Identity Again

Just like affirmations, faking skips identity.

It tries to force behavior without addressing who you believe yourself to be.

But identity always wins.

If you see yourself as someone who must perform to be accepted, you’ll keep performing.
If you see yourself as someone who can stay present and human, confidence becomes natural.

How This Fits the Series

In Blog #1, we saw that inspiration without values fades.
In Blog #2, we saw that language without identity creates resistance.
Here in Blog #3, we see that behavior without authenticity creates tension.

In the next post, we’ll explore something that sounds spiritual but often creates just as much internal pressure:

Vibrational alignment.

And we’ll look at what happens when parts of you start competing instead of cooperating.

If You Want to Go Deeper

If this stirred recognition—especially around performance, pressure, or the need to “hold it together”—you may find it helpful to slow down and reflect.

You can reply to this email with the words “What works?” and I’ll send you a short companion guide that walks through what actually helps across this entire series, with reflections and practical grounding.

You don’t need more polish.
You don’t need to fake confidence.

Real confidence grows when you stop pretending and start relating—first to yourself, and then to others.

Perfect guidance — thank you for naming why that matters.
Here is a revised Activation for Blog #3, adjusted exactly as you requested:

• No quotation marks

• Clear “say this to yourself / repeat after me” cues

• Each phrase is repeated so if attention drifts, the listener is gently brought back

• Calm, permissive, human

• No forced parts work

• Designed to be recorded in their own voice

Take action!
Listen to the attached audio below. Here's the transcript:
Activation: From Performance to Real Confidence

(Blog #3 Companion Activation)

Take a moment to settle yourself.
You can be sitting or lying down—whatever feels supportive right now.

[pause]

Let your eyes gently close, or soften your gaze.

[long pause]

Begin with the Breath

Take a slow breath in through your nose.
And let it out through your mouth.

[pause]

Again, breathing in.
And breathing out.

[pause]

There is nothing you need to perform here.
Nothing you need to get right.

[long pause]

Soften the Body

Bring your attention to your jaw.
If you notice any tension, allow it to soften.

[pause]

Bring your attention to your shoulders.
Let them drop just a little.

[pause]

Bring your attention to your belly.
You do not need to hold it in.

[long pause]

Your body knows how to relax when it feels safe to do so.

Noticing the Pattern of Performance

Now gently bring to mind a situation where you feel pressure to appear confident, capable, or composed.

You don’t need details.
Just the sense of it.

[pause]

Notice what happens in your body when you imagine that situation.

[pause]

There is no need to change anything.
Simply noticing is enough.

[long pause]

Understanding

In a moment, I’m going to invite you to say something quietly to yourself.
You can say it out loud or silently.

Say this to yourself now:
I understand why I learned to perform.

[pause]

And again, gently repeat:
I understand why I learned to perform.

[long pause]

That strategy had a purpose once.
It helped you navigate something important.

Acceptance

Now, when you’re ready, say to yourself:
I accept the part of me that tries to protect me by pretending.

[pause]

And again, repeat it:
I accept the part of me that tries to protect me by pretending.

[long pause]

That part doesn’t need to disappear.
It just doesn’t need to work so hard anymore.

Inviting Something New

Now imagine yourself in that same situation again.
But this time, you are allowed to be human.

Not polished.
Not perfect.
Just present.

[pause]

Notice any shift, even a small one.

[long pause]

Love

Now gently say to yourself:
I can love myself without performing.

[pause]

And again, slowly repeat:
I can love myself without performing.

[long pause]

Let that land wherever it can.
You don’t need to force it.

Forgiveness

There may be an old belief that says you must pretend in order to belong.

You don’t need to argue with it.

Simply say now:
I forgive myself for believing I had to pretend to belong.

[pause]

And repeat it once more:
I forgive myself for believing I had to pretend to belong.

[extra-long pause]

Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past.
It frees the present.

Anchoring Real Confidence

Real confidence doesn’t come from never making mistakes.
It comes from staying connected when mistakes happen.

Let yourself feel what it’s like to be real and still okay.

[pause]

This is something you can return to.

Closing

Take one more slow breath in.
And let it out.

[pause]

When you’re ready, gently open your eyes.

[long pause]

Important Note

This activation is most powerful when it is recorded in your own voice.
Out of the billions of voices on the planet, your subconscious listens and responds most strongly to your own.
That’s simply how humans are built.

You don’t need to sound calm.
You don’t need to sound confident.
You just need to sound like you.

Here's the audio of the above meditative Activation (Available on the blog site www.caseycolecorbin.com/blog/fakeit )

Coming next: Blog #4 of 6 — The Trap of Vibrational Alignment